WHY I'M STILL SINGLE

If I had a dollar for every time in the last MONTH I've been asked why I'm still single, I would have approximately $45.

My favorite question this month, though: "Did you find a boyfriend yet?" YET. As in: What the hell is taking so long?

First of all, I'm 28. Not 48. So let's all stop acting like I'm the crazy cat lady living down the street. 

Second, I think I can speak for most of my still-single friends when I say (there's only one left, BTW), although most people look at me like I have the bubonic plague when they find out I'm still single in my ripe old age, there is a method to my madness. And with that, I've collected a list of my shenanigans for you below. 

1) My free nights are MY nights. Not my boyfriend's. Not my boyfriend's mom's. And sure as shit not my boyfriend's ball-scratching idiot friends'. I am responsible for myself and no one else. And if I don't get out of bed until 1:00 on a Saturday, there's no one waking me up to watch a stupid NASCAR race that I'm not interested in anyway. Call me selfish, but you just can't beat being free of obligations.  

2) Maybe, just maybe, I'm waiting for someone with some SUBSTANCE. Rock hard abs and a GQ jawline only get you so far. And until that time, I'd prefer to keep my bed empty and my legs closed. (Novel concept, I know.)

3) I'm picky. Wait wait wait. There's a guy you know that makes a lot of money and is wicked smart, but having an adult conversation with him is like talking to a wall?? I'm sorry......and you're confused why I won't go out with him?? I also should probably add that I might be a little mean spirited when it comes to people with 'ticks.' True story: I once had dinner with a guy whose lips moved when he wasn't talking. See what I mean? 

4) I CAN'T STAND a Stage-5 Clinger. I know most people in the world think it's dudes that need time away from a relationship. Because girls are usually all clingy and $hit. But for God's sake, it's 2017. A female that doesn't NEED a man 24/7 isn't an alien. She's a genius. Chicks are independent and have boundaries, too. And right now, you're crossing mine.  

5) I have standards. (Yes, this goes with being picky.) Respect was something I was raised with and I have ZERO tolerance for those who don't understand it. A simple "please" and "thank you" goes a long way in showing where someone thinks they fit in with others. (Hint: It should be equal to or below. Not above.

6) I take my love life seriously. Call me crazy, but I think the process of finding the one you're "spending forever with" is something that shouldn't be taken lightly and most certainly shouldn't be rushed into. I once "dated" a guy for three months who just overnight up and turned into Adolf Hitler. No joke. He was a total asswipe! Pardon me if I'm being too forward here, but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life with a Communist. Just sayin. 

7) I want someone that I actually HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH. I realize that searching for another college athlete cuts down my already slim prospects by probably another 75%. But seriously.....if a dude can't throw a football and he asks me why someone is stealing a base, we've got problems. 

8) I want a MAN. I appreciate a guy with feelings, but if I hear "you're really intimidating" one more time, I'm gonna lose my marbles. Yes, I'm a strong-headed, loud-mouthed, successful woman and I worked my rear end off to get to where I am. The only thing that warrants is respect. Not you running back to mommy. Now put your big boy pants on and let's go. 

9) I REFUSE to date someone younger than me. No joke--I've done it once in my life and DISASTER would literally be the biggest understatement of the century. While I'm aware my eggs are drying up as we speak, we're all aware that women have a head start on puberty. By the time a woman turns 18, she's really at least 21 mentally (but definitely not when she's drinking). A guy on the other hand, when he turns 18, he's really 15. If he's lucky. By the time 25 rolls around, yep, you guessed it, he's still behind. A guy won't actually mature until he's at least 30. (Scientifically proven. By me, of course.) Which really puts him at 28 (again, being generous). Thus, my reason for dating guys older than me....if we give them a few extra years to bake, they'll eventually be equal to us. (Or as close as they're gonna get.)

And last, but certainly not least....

10) Online dating SUCKS. I would know. I tried it. Once. Okay twice. But I had to set up an entirely new email account to protect myself from the barrage of messages being sent from weirdos. Hell, even a door knob could get 500 emails a day on that $hit. Now don't get me wrong........while looking at pictures of semi-attractive (but mostly super not-attractive men) all day sounds super enticing, I'm employed and I've got bills to pay. So ain't nobody got time for that. 

[ Funny story, I looked up the word 'barrage' to make sure I spelled it right, and the definition could not be more perfect for this situation.  barrage (n.): 1. Military. A heavy barrier of artillery fire to protect one's own advancing or retreating troops or to stop the advance of enemy troops. ]  Haha!

Alright, there you have it folks. Now you know why a mediocre comedian, "retired" college athlete, mainly-a-4-but-feels-like-a-6-on-her-good-days female is still single. 

One time....I heard someone say they were taking applications for best friends. So let's do that. But ya know, for boyfriends. Cute ones. Possibly with blonde hair. Blue eyes. Maybe 6'5ish. Muscular build.........oh hell, who am I even kidding............

2015 was a long year.......

I had my heart officially "broken," I got a puppy, I quit my job, I started my own business, I moved 3 times, I slept on an air mattress for 6 weeks straight, I dated a 35 year old, I fired a 45 year old, I became a professional Bachelor tweeter, I lost my best friend, I gained a new one, I reconnected with my high school best friend, I started a relationship with my brother, I felt other people's pain, I spoke at a convention, I realized there's more than meets the eye, I realized this minute is all we have, I got a tattoo, I shot a gun, I rediscovered ME, I found a passion, I started my hobbies, I stood up for myself, I learned how to say 'sorry,' I watched my high school become state champions, I got up early to workout, I finally switched my license, I bought my first Husker shirt, I kept in touch with old teammates, I became obsessed with Bloody Mary's, I started drinking vodka tonic, I developed a political opinion, I got my first spray tan, I started being a real friend, I filled empty holes in my heart, I made a dog sweater out of a hat, I missed my mom's love, I grew in my relationship with God, I figured out how to use an Apple TV, I almost ruined a Thanksgiving turkey, I decided I love Nebraska, I became a regular at a coffee shop, I gained the best 'second' family on the face of the earth, I literally ran my car out of gas, I found people who would die for me, I found people who I would do the same, I learned to love the sound of my own laugh, I learned it's okay to cry, I learned a night to yourself is always good, I learned that getting off your ass when you don't want to is always good, too, I saw what $4,000 worth of drycleaning looks like, I bought my first washer and dryer, I went camping with my friends, I got a financial advisor, I learned awkward situations are everywhere, I learned to get over them sooner rather than later, I stopped caring what other people think (mostly), and, the big one........I learned how to forgive myself. For big mistakes, for little mistakes, for falling in love, for trusting too much, for things that weren't my fault, for things that were my fault, and for everything else in between. 

Yes, 2015 was a long, hard year, but 2016 is right around the corner.

Happy New Year ya'll :)  --JS

New Tunes Tuesday (Election Style!)

IT'S ELECTION DAY!!! Get up off your keister and VOTE! NOW!

In honor of Election Day, I have decided to write a poem about presidents. Actually no I haven't. But maybe you wish I did. ANYWAY.....today's post features a band I found last week on iTunes. From what I've been able to find, they aren't too well know yet, which makes them just PERFECT for New Tunes Tuesday! The name of the band is Striking Matches. It's made up of a guy and a girl (weird) and apparently they never even knew each other until college when a professor picked them at random to get up and perform a song in front of the class. And what do ya know? BFFs ever since (or at least I think so). Anyway, I really like their sound. There's a lot of male and female duos coming out these days, but a lot of them are more alternative and indie. These guys are the country version. I dig it. And you will, too!

ENJOY MY WONDERFUL LITTLE VOTERS! And God Bless America!

JS

Striking Matches--"Tell Me So"

Striking Matches--"Not the One"

New Tunes Tuesday (On A Wednesday!)

It's Wednesday! (Yes, I know, it's supposed to be Tuesday.) But since today is HALLOWEEN and freaky stuff always happens, I figured I could still post this week's New Tunes Tuesday and everyone would survive. Well....maybe not everyone.

This week's blog goes out to a miraculous little man I have never heard of before (and I don't really think he's little). His name is Brent Anderson, born and raised in the hills of Mississippi (does Mississippi even have hills? For today, it does.) Anyway, I found him last week on iTunes when he released his debut album titled, "8 Track." It's very fitting considering there's only 8 songs. I listened to the first one, liked it, listened to the next one, liked it, and then, well, needless to say, I bought the whole album. And you should, too! Because it's wonderful. Really.

So enough with the fluff, I know you want the tunes. Today I picked 2 of my favorite songs out of his grand total of 8 (It was a very difficult choice. Don't you dare think for one second it wasn't!). The two songs for today are called, "Jesus in Japanese'" and "Amy." "Amy" is actually taken from part of the old song, "Aime" from Pure Prairie League. And in fact, two of the original members of Pure Prairie League are actually singing background vocals on this song for Brent. Pret-ty cool, huh? You'll dig it. Trust me. Also, ya'll should listen to, "I Could Use You," and "When She's Cryin.'" I would've posted videos, but I couldn't find them :( Sadness.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween! BOO!

JS

Brent Anderson--"Jesus in Japanese"

Brent Anderson--"Amy's Song"

Nashville Shananigans

JENAE!!! No Forest. Not Jennay. JENAE! CHERRY!

Last week I spent my wonderful fall break from law school down in Nashville, Tennessee. I know. You're jealous. But since I love you all so much, I brought the country back with me. And now, I shall share.

As it turns out, one of my lover boy's teammates was down visiting his brother at the exact. same. time. WHOA. Their OTHER brother and his lady friend came down and joined them as well. Needless to say, shit got crazy.

(The boys)

While the boys were hanging out, I was rocking out. To who you say? The lovely Miss Jenae Cherry! That's who! Another twist to this wonderful little story, my boyfriend's teammate's brother is actually DATING a girl who lives in Nashville and is trying to make it big. And boy oh boy oh boy, does girlfriend got it goin' on! (If you're confused, I made you a nice little storyline to help you out.)

Me (super cool, musically obsessed, law student) > Justin (my boy toy, super cute but super pain in my rear baseball player) > CLEVELAND INDIANS (don't get me started) > Brett (enemy turned friend, red-haired baseball player who, ironically, is dating a lawyer himself) > Brad (Brett's major league pitcher brother) > NASHVILLE (duh) > Jenae Cherry (super adorable, super AMAZING singer/songwriter from Wonder Lake, Illinois)

 (Aren't we cute?!)

It's all clear as mud now, right? Right. Anywho, enough with the shananigans. I know you're all waiting for some super cool new tunes because let's be honest, that's what New Tunes Tuesday is all about! So here it is folks.....some amazing original music from the lovely Jenae Cherry! I hope you enjoy this as much as I do! (And Brett likes it, too. Don't let him lie to you like that.) If you want to hear some more of her songs, she has an EP available on iTunes and ya'll should probably go check it out! Also, feel free to stalk her on Twitter (@jenaecherry). I know I do.

(Me and Jenae)

ENJOY MY LITTLE ONES!!

JS

Jenae Cherry--"Around"

Jenae Cherry--"Not Today"

Don't Act Like You Didn't Miss This

It's Tuesday Tunes Day! And although you may have thought I fell off the face of the earth, unfortunately for you, I did not.

Today's lovely artist that I have chosen is Tristan Prettyman. She's been on the scene for quite some time now (dating back to my high school days), singing with the likes of Jason Mraz and G. Love, but I wanted to pick her for today because her new album came out and it is just BREATHTAKING. Classy and timeless. I think it's fantastic. For those of you who don't know who she is, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I've included one of her older songs that made me fall (Madly) in love with her music (pun intended) AND one of her new songs (Deepest Ocean Blue). So, after this, be prepared: you WILL be a fan!

Have a WONDERFUL day my dears! :)


JS

"Madly" by Tristan Prettyman

 



 

 

"Deepest Ocean Blue" by Tristan Prettyman

 

Turn Your Party Lights On

It's NOT Tuesdayyyyyy!!!!! But I need to share some songs. Sorry I fell off the face of the earth. Then again, sorry I'm not sorry.

I made the most BOMB playlist last week for my travels back to the homeland, and I figured I should just give you a list so you can get your little heart started on making the SAME bomb playlist. No worries. You can thank me later (:

ENJOY MY LITTLE LOVE NUGGETS!

JS

Kristen Kelly--Ex-Old Man

(Seriously, any song that tells me there's a "damn good reason for this drink in my hand" is fine. by. me.)

Kelleigh Bannen--Sorry On the Rocks

(This chick literally JUST sent this song to radio! You should be hearing it soon! None of her music is for sale, though, yet, so calm your horses. I will obviously be the first one who knows when it does. Obvi.)

Katie Armiger--Better In A Black Dress

(I've loved her for a long time. She's not very well known on the radio, but maybe this will be her ticket to the big stage! P.S. This song is like, WAY badass.)

Florida Georgia Line--Cruise

(Literally can NOT stop singing this song!)

Chase Rice--Whoa

(I've just been told this is the best walkout song EVER. Apparently you need to start it at 31 seconds. Justin......you're welcome.)

Andy Gibson--Summer Back

(It's just cute. You'll like it. Trust me.)

Florida Georgia Line--Get Your Shine On

(And I quote: "You know I love it when you get your shineeeee onnnnnnnnn.....Summer sky drippin' rhinestones, turn your party lights on....." Obviously I ALWAYS have my party pants on. So why not turn my party lights on as well?)

(: